Saturday 1st March 2025

 Dear diary

Yeh he's fucking g her Linda she texted do you want to to church and he said at first yeh pick me up then he said no now he's going to cor ys to get boogedy and I know what he's doing going to fuck Linda so he'll be back ten at the latest I'm sick and tired of him fucking cheating on me with her I'm sick of being with him and have him treat me like shit all the time had enough yeh usually we'd go in together and get it but this time it's all too suspiciously like he's fucking Linda oh well it seems to be like that but have no evidence to tell me so yeh I'm going to not worry bout him anymore had enough of him I wish and pray that he'd leave me and go away from me and leave me alone prefer to be with me myself and I alone can't stop him from what he wants to do I suppose I just wish he'd leave me like he said I'm just his carer I'll sleep in the other bed from now on seeya later bindi

Thursday 6th February 2025

 Dear diary 

He's fucking Maureen or Helen for boogedy so it's well and truly over he'd fuck anything with a hole feel sad but glad he's doing it and not me goodbye bb

Thursday 6th February 2025

 Dear diary

I knew it all along he's fucking Linda and he got her pregnant again so yeh he's married to her and now their getting rid of me by being nasty to me when their together talking in codes and being spiteful to me when talking to each other it's official it's over between me and him thankyou god for doing this to me now I can be by me myself and I forever yay yeh now I have to get rid of him and her forever with so called friends like that you don't need enemies that's for sure I can get rid of all the negative people in my life and start again I'm saving my money for a place of my own and get out of here and away from everyone here now that I've got a goal I can get started on it I feel so stupid for not seeing it first time but thank God he made me see it now better late than never thank God Im not pregnant to him or married to him yeh he's a fuckeit low life loser scum bag idiot filth of the earth I can't stand to be near him anymore now that he's someone else's man took awhile to see him for what he is lying cheating theifibg mongrel thank God I can see it now goodbye bb

Thursday 6th February 2025

 Dear diary

Yeh been thinking back to when I had Dinah and kiah if I also gave birth to my son when I gave birth to Dinah and if I gave birth to my daughter when I had kiah I'd like to know if that's correct and where the fuck would they be where's the father of my son and daughter and who is the father of my son and daughter and who is my son and daughter is like to know if this is true and if it is if there's a possible chance that we could be a family once and for all if it's true that is why am I thinking these things and why are there thoughts of this running thru my head it confuses me to no end not sure how to handle it if it's true then I'd want to know everything I don't remember fucking anyone else but myex when I had Dinah and kiah maybe they put me out to it and fucked me or they could have artificially inseminated me and for me not to know about it it's strange this for me to have this in my head if it weren't true then I wouldn't be thinking it one would think but why is it going thru my head it must have happened if welcome them with open arms if it were true if be able to be a family like I wanted all these years I hope it is true then I can get over Dinah and kiah and take back my life and live it with a zest like I had before I had Dinah and kiah I think in my tradition the mother has the babies but the father of the babies looks after them or other families do so it's a loss either way I never get to see my babies grow up or teach them anything just have them I'm an incubator having other people's babies and my own at the same time how would they know what baby is mine I hope for the best that this would be true then I'd have something to look forward too goodbye til next time bb

Thursday 6th February 2025

 Dear diary

I just want to know who is behind this facade of paying guys to be with me what about true love doesn't that count I'll focus on trying to understand who's behind this shite and wonder what I can do to get out of it I never wanted to have guys be paid to be with me who did this to me did I mistakenly do this to myself I hope not I want know what's really going here and who is behind it then I can get out of it talk to the people's whos behind it and go from there I hope I can find out who's behind this and put a stop to it before it's too late yeh it seems farfet he'd but I wouldn't put it past people to do this to me I hope I find out who did this and get them to realise that I don't want to do this anymore then no harm hurt for anyone the guy I'm with can leave me so I can get back to being with me myself and I so there which is what I wanted all along whoever is behind this their very good at lining people up to be with each other if I did this to myself then I have only myself to blame for getting myself in the shite bad behaviour on me no good I am if this is what happened yeh I don't think I want to do this anymore how can I stop something that is all I'm thinking about how to stop it hopefully I can talk the people who's doing this and get them to stop it immediately yeh I hope and pray that I find who's doing this have talk to them explaining that I don't want to do this anymore and that I never did and that I'm free of it once and for all and I'm back to my old self again I'll find love the old fashioned way thankyou very much or love will find me the old fashioned way either either its way too much for me to handle I'm not going to be putting up with crap anymore fullstop amen fullstop yeh goodbye bb

Thursday 6th February 2025

Dear diary

Well I'm here again expressing myself to you and offloading my mind to you so I can have a better life in all yeh not alot has been happening I'm now with a person been with him for four years and I'm sure he's lying to me or not I want to know if he is or not and can't tell if he is or not lying to me can't be sure if he is or not I get to thinking he is but feel unsure that he is and then I feel that he is lying to me about himself to me and I think maybe he's not yeh it's an up and down thing I have with him I love him and in love with him but I just don't think he loves me or is in love with me like I am with him he's always angry at me when things don't go his way and then blames me for it and ivend up apologizing for whatever he's angry at with me so he can be happy and get over it some say this narsisistic behaviour and abuse but I can't seem to stop it no matter which way I go about it I look after him give him his meds and make him cups of tea and coffee and drinks and make him breakfast and lunch and tea make sure he's not stressing out all the time it seems as though I can't do anything right with him he's always saying I don't listen to him and I'm always listening to what he has to say and I'm sure he's cheating on me with who I don't know but I can't be sure if he is or not and I also know he talks about me behind my back and what he says is not good to other people I hear him talking about to other people but can't make out what he's saying as I'm half deaf in my right ear and if your not talking clearly to my face then I can't hear what anyone says especially if there's background noise so me being half deaf I my right ear and background d noise and people talking as if they're mumbling to me I can't hear properly especially if they talk in another room to people or lower their voices  when they talk to other people I can't hear them and what they it's hard for me to understand what it is they say so for him to talk behind my back about me to other people where I can't understand what it is he's talking about is just plain wrong and a no go for me I don't do that with him and with anybody else so I expect that to not happen to me especially by someone who I love and claims to love back yeh I can hear him talking but not hear every word that's spoken so it hurts when he does this to me especially when hes happy then he'll go and talk to the other people and tun me down not sure if it's paranoia or coz of my half deafness that I can't understand what he's talking about and somehow that turns it into him talking avout to other people if ask him if he talks about to other people he'll say no and flat out deny it I'm sure he talks about me to other people it hurts me when he does I'm not sure if I'm hearing things right or it's just my brain making me think he's talking about me behind my back to other people he could very well be saying other things that seem like he's talking about me yeh and he also says things to his friends(other people) that's was meant to be between him and I it's like he's out to get me every which way he can and makes myex look like a walk in the park I don't recall myex being like this but he was never home and never spent 24hrs 7 days a week together yeh the guy I think I'm with seems to hate me and just bixeibg his time with me for what I don't know I don't know the reason he's with me yeh he says he loves me but does this to me runs me down in front of his friends and tells what should be between us two to others it's not right I don't do that to him or to anyone else for sure and I don't think it's right for him to do that to me maybe I'm overreacting but it sounds like he is running me down in front of his friends and I know for sure he can't keep a secret especially when it involves us two yeh not sure what to do about it can't seem to get my head around the fact that it feels like he's doing that to me and it hurts everytime it he does that with other people it's like he wants to get me in the shit for what reason/reasons I do not know I can't confront him about he'd say I'm hearing things and that wouldn't do that or he'd probably say toughen up I'm doing this for your own good and doing this for you maybe it's his way of offloading his stress god only knows what he's stressing for if he's lying about who he is then obviously he'd stress right the fuck out and then blames me for his lies I think K not it's not going happen anymore I won't put up with this bullshit anymore i want better I'm happy with him when he's happy but as soon as he's angry he's no good makes me not want to be with him and this more often then not pro ably three or four times a week also he's a drug addict he's gas boogedy every week probably twicw every week and when I found that out I was going to leave him but had nowhere to go so I stayed with him until now and it hasn't got any better he's always on at me saving money then come payday he's back into the old routine of drugs and he's smokes maruijanna and drinks alcohol and smokes cigarettes he eat like a slob and sout farts birps and blows his nose all the time it's disgusting he eats like a pig and always eating an endless hole waiting to be filled with what I don't know I think his cravings from the pot makes him eat so much then he blames me for not having any money to get food or ciggs or pot so we have book it up with his friend the guy were staying with and pay him back every week and barely have enough to get thru the week and he does this every week he says he saving up for the car but he keeps doing boogedy pot ciggs beer and it's just gotten to the point where I've had enough I thought that by me knowing he does drugs would help him get off the damn things but it's gotten alot worse since I know he does it compared to when I didn't know he did it it's like he's flaunting it in my face and I don't think I can handle the stupidity of him doing that and him doing drugs I thought he'd get off them went he knew I knew he did drugs but he gotten alot worse since I fou d out I saw him in the bathroom doing it and was besides myself not knowing what to do or how to get out of there but I stayed coz I had nowhere else to go and then he completely ignores me when he on it then I start thinking he's cheating on me and that bad things are going to happen when he's on it and then after he off the high hell sleep he'll be up all night day night when he's on it and work the farm and then when he's off it hell sleep all the time never get anytime with him unless I sleep besides him and other than that I watch tv or try and read the Bible and finish that book off before I leave him for good yeh he doesn't like being woken up when he's asleep so I let him sleep til he wakes up then he eats then has cones then goes back to sleep until the afternoon then stays awake til tea time then has tea and goes has cones then goes to sleep bufgi gbme to roll him ciggs for the night by nine o'clock at night he's sleeping or trying to then he'll be up and down during gvthe might and sleep during the day he says he got a brain injury from a motor bike accident in w003 he had and he's been like that ever since if that's right it doesn't seem like he should sleep all day and be up and down during the night doesn't make sense to me that coming from a brain injury like he's like that coz of the brain injury that's if what he said is true then may E it could be but I think it's more got to do with drugs than anything he'd be up for two to three days then sleep for three four days and I to it again doesn't have any other interests besides drugs sleep eating shitting pissibg farting burping spitting blowing his nose I don't know how he gets the energy to get up out of bed each day and do what he does yeh I'd there is someone here he'll stay awake to talk to them but as soon as their gone he'll go straight back to sleep after having cones yeh one hundred on boogedy maybe two hundred and three or four hundred to his friend for pot food(odds and ends)(to get us thru to the next pay) and and two hundred on food shopping and one hundred on eating out in town and one hundred to two hundred on smokes that's about it so we blow all the money on boogedy or pot or drinking and smoking at the pub but we've stopped that now and only gets six pack every week slowly getting it to a six pack every month and wean ourselves off it altogether yeh if we didn't do boogedy and pot and smoke ciggs we'd have money every week out aside to do this car and get it fixed up and road worthy and registrared I'm sick and tired of how he blames me for every little thing that goes wrong in his life he doesn't do anything to have him be stressed out all he does is get high sleep eat wait til the next pay day and do it all again so I don't see where he's stressing about if he's doing nothing at all my only thoughts upon the matter is that he's lies and ever since he's been with me he's lies to me about who he is and what he's on about and lies to me about how he feels about me and I feel he doesn't love me he never did and only got with me for the money he gets every month to be with me this I'm sure he's doing to me so that's why he's not leaving me anytime soon and I'm sure he was joking about wanting to be with me it seemed like he was bit he got with me dispite me he getting paid to be with me so why should he leave me yeh I seem to think he's already married with kids and I want to know who this wifey of his is and who his kids are and how long it's been going on for so he cheating on me with his wife whi habit wouldn't becheating on me coz it's his wife and he lives her and not me but when he has sec with me he's be cheating on his wife yes or not how can a guy fuck someone they have no feelings for if this is true if want to know all about it and if it is true or not if it is true about himhavi g a wifey and kids then I'd leave him and be on my merry way to be by me myself and I which sounds a helluva lot better than being with him atm so he's cheating on me with who knows who he has a wifey and kids and a family not sure how many kids he has must find out this and he's a drug addict pot smoker alcohol drinker and a tobacco smoker and eat too much unhealthy food doesn't exercise or look after hi self talks about himself all the time and what other are doing and talks about other people to me in a not very nice way so makes me think of he talks about other people like that to me he'd talk about me like that to other people the family he said were dead and gone are alive and well thanks to Facebook and I think he's cheating on me with his ex girlfriend Paula french or her daughter Madison french I feel he's pretending to be who he said he is and I know he's not who he says he is he's got to be lying I'm sure he is lying to me about that and he does heroin as well as boogedy every three or four days Florence his mum who died two years ago is still alive thanks to Facebook I look up get name and she was still posting recent post like last year yeh so that was all fake the funeral and I'm sure he's having it off with every girl I met with him who a so called relative of his if he's not related to them at all he's having it off with them any chance he can get it seems that way everytime I'm not thinking of him or he's in the yard or every time I'm asleep he's into it he must pay them to be in his life and talk to him just for the shows and shits and shines can't trust someone you don't know and if he isn't who he says he is then who is he and what does he want from me does he want me dead is he going to hurt harm kill suicide or have me murdered what is that he wants from me I don't have anything of me that he can have I'm not rich so I can't give him money  I don't have a home I'm homeless I don't have a car or licence to give him yeh I think he's having it off with my daughter Dinah and is married to her and they have kids with each other coz ever since February 14th 2024 last year kiah my son hasn't contacted me and has abit offish now I have no contact with him whatsoever this is coz Dinah and the guy I'm with got married on the February 14th 2024 last year and had a kid in october this was when his apparent operation was happening in Brisbane so when he's fucking me he's not fucking her and that's cheating on her yeh and I don't even think that my daughter Dinah and my son kiah the kids I raised up are my own I had two kids a boy first then a girl but they gave me a girl first then a boy so I wonder where my kids are and who the father of my kids are so the kids who I had thought that wre mine aren't mine and they are somebody else's I don't feel like they are mine only alluded me into thinking I was happilyarriedcwith a family to die for I knew myex wasn't that good of a man he's a selfish self centred guy that was probably paid to be with me and lead me into thinking he truly loved me when he never and was cheating on me all the way thru looking back I feel he got somebody else who looked like him to go with me until I left and that is not abuse! Like hell it is abuse in the most outrageous way he was the one who wanted to be with me and treats me like shit and lies to me to my face I knew I did the wrong this gvwhen I got married to him I felt it in the guts so he lied to me got me to like him make me think it was him I fell in love with and continued to abuse and hurt me until I had enough of him and left him my fairytale love is a sham he never loved me just used me I loved him changed everything about myself to be with him how stupid am I yeh he made me think I fell in love with him from across the bar and fucked ms meanwhile it's he that was married and had a mistress to somebody and had kids to the mistress not sure if he had kids to his wife or not and the mistress had kids to someone else the first two the second two I had them for her and him and I thought that it was him and mine kids but they weren't the only thing I knew I had was two babies with him but him wasn't the father of my two kids he was the father of the mistresses two kids so when I had hers I had mine a boy one first then a girl one second I wonder who the father is to my two babies and where the fuck us everyone where is my family I hope and pray that there doing alright yeh I never knew I had someone E else's kids I thought they were my own flesh and blood but looking back now it's was all bullshit and lies I'm glad I left when I did and glad that I didn't take any of the kids which Turned out to be not mine at all Afterall so thguys who stood in to be and act as him on his behalf got what they deserve and myex goes back to his wifey and mistress I wonder if Dinah and kiah know this and who their mum and dad truly are I hope they know about and leave me the fuck alone and stop bothering me I hope the guy I'm with goes and leaves me for Dinah and hope that I can finally get on with my life once and for all yeh I only fucked him once and he's was gone like the wind oh well at least I know now that he wasn't the one for me and this one I'm with isn't the one for me I'm just bideing my time til I can leave this shit pan once and for all I wonder if dad and my brothers and sister know about this and my mum too god bless them each and every single day and night from now on if say it's be between myex his mistress his view on the mcgearys the other waters and the mistresses husband Paul and myexs brother Mark and Jodie and myex himself and the seven wanna be myexs that were with me and his so called parents rod and Margaret and that's it no one else knew about it until I left and had time to think about it to me myself and I and that's what comes up in my brain and thoughts and feelings god only knows if they had aids HIV and or stds I hope not and I hope he never fu ked his mistress I don't think so coz he's with his wife and having kids by artificial insemination and not the natural way is the way they went about it it's not cheating if he didnt fuck his mistress but he did fuck me maybe I was his first before he did the deed with his wife I wi dervif that was his true name or it's somebody else who was he a stranger that's what and who he is now to this guy I'm with he's doing the exact same things but he's not changing who he is every so often but he did get married to Dinah if that's her real name and if that's kiahs real name eight people he changed himself into the last one really had me by the short and curlys he certainly knew how to twist my words around to suit himself and get what he wanted out of it I wonder if the babysitter was him that I fell in love with and I fucked all night long orgasmsy all night without even I setting his penis into me I knew he was cheating on me coz I saw his true knoutzide Toni McConnell's house one evening and that made me think was it his true K or the guys truck that was there and when he said I love you to bronny I knew it was over then and I didn't say a word to him I vthe car ride home and then he fucked me up the arse and I knew then he didn't like me and that it was over between us two and then it took awhile before I left the family home and I didn't like the fact that he was using me to get the farm I don't like that had a feeling he wasn't into the bees and just wanted the farm all to himself I could foresee that he'd divorce me and he gets the farm and me left with nothing so I left him before that could ever happen after all the work that my family did to get where it is now noone is going to take that away from me or my family so I did what I did in the best interests my family and the farm the farm needs to stay in the family I hope dad figures out what happened in my life before he dies so he can prepare for it better for to know than not to know anyway this guy that imxwith I'm getting many dulifferi g thoughts and feelings off of him and none of it's good I just hope and pray that he'll leave for Dinah his wifey and kids and have a family of his own without me in his life stressing him out he'd be better off without me in his life stressing him out I'm sure that my thoughts and feelings about him are true and if their not please let me know if they are true or not intuition is weak and I'm not going to say it's true when I don't know if it's true or not I just wish I could by me myself and I again just me against the world Fendi gvfor my rights seeing if I have what it takes to make it yehi can only dream yeh I want to know who was it that I fell in love with at the pub and who was it that fucked me that night I went out over and out that's it for now goodbye belinda bindi